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If you want to be selfless, you have to be willing to be selfish first.
“I always say focusing on yourself is the least selfish thing you can do,” Performance Coach Brian Bogert teaches on this episode of the Digital Hospitality podcast.
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Brian Bogert Interview on Digital Hospitality —
The inspirational leader (@bogertbrian) is all about the greater good whether it’s as big as world peace or as simple as having a healthy relationship with your spouse.
In order to be there for your family and your employees, says Brian Bogert, you have to be there for yourself. Being there for yourself means knowing who you are and loving who you are.
Regardless of the scale of what success looks like, the solution is still simple: you.
It may sound simple, but as we all know, knowledge of self can be as complex as it gets.
Want to get more in tune with your true self?
Brian Bogert has an easy exercise to start.
“If you don’t know who you authentically are, make two lists,” begins Brian. “One list with the things, people and sources of information that leave you feeling uplifted, energized, worthy, and in a flow state where you want to share it with the world. Then on the counter list, write the things, people, and sources of information that leave you feeling depleted, defeated, unworthy, absolutely fatigued and miserable.”
Got your lists? Perfect.
Now, simply focus on doing more of the list that energizes you and taking time and tasks off the list that drains and depletes you. The more you love how you spend your time, the more you will love and understand yourself.
Once you have your lists both written down and in practice, Brian has another suggestion.
This one isn’t quite as fun, but it might be more important: embracing pain.
Why would one ever want to embrace pain? The answer is to avoid suffering, which is chronic and much worse than acute, in the moment pain. Brian’s broken down a few real-life examples to illustrate the importance.
“We can embrace the pain of hitting the gym for 30 minutes a day,” Brian Bogert said, “to avoid not being able to play with our grandkids well into our 70s.”
Fair enough. What’s embracing pain look like in more intimate, in the moment, interpersonal relationships?
“We can embrace the pain of a difficult conversation with a loved one or spouse,” begins Brian, “to avoid the suffering of being stuck in a loveless marriage that’s going to end in divorce or being stuck in a marriage when you actually want divorce. We can embrace the pain of firing our top salesperson because they were the greatest cancer in our culture.”
For Brian, embracing pain now means gaining freedom later. These examples are all hard to swallow, but easy to understand in their practice.
Day to day, Brian is doing his best to move people by being an energized person himself. This means walking his talk in regard to living his list, embracing pain and focusing on who he is so that he can best help others.
This proves true even at home.
“Person first, marriage second, kids third,” Brian ranks in regard to the priorities he and his wife have set.
This may sound controversial, but in practice it makes sense.
“Then the kids see our example, our energy exchange,” notes Brian on his ability and his wife’s ability to focus first and foremost on energizing themselves. “They see us have disagreements and they see the repair. They see when I’ve reacted badly in those moments or mom has and we repair with them. Damage will be created, but it’s all in the repair that demonstrates our ability to move forward.”
By being selfish in a healthy way, we can bring our best selves to our relationships, work and families — especially when adversity hits. This has the power of making better lives for all involved all over.
“I believe this is what’s going to make the world a better place,” close Brian. “For my kids and for my grandkids.”
Not money, not passion and not even hard work.
-Article by Cali BBQ Media Writer Ian Stonebrook. Follow @ianstonebrook on social media or email Ian to get in touch email@example.com.
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